The Agent and Anthropologist Stay Home
by Kasper ze Chemist
Summary: After an accident while ice skating, Booth and a very euphoric Brennan spend time together, with interesting results.


**Okay, so this is something I came up with long ago and decided to post here now purely for laughs. This is totally out of character (sort of) but in the end, if you haven't laughed once, I will refund you four minutes and forty seven seconds that you spent reading and/or complaining about the story. Any mistakes are mine and mine to keep so ha!**

**I now bring you BOD : Brennan on Drugs.**

Dr. Brennan moved fast, adding all the files into the bag on her desk. She slung the heavy bag over her heavy jacket and the laptop over the shoulder. A cold snap engulfed the Eastern Seaboard, with temperatures barely hitting thirty. She walked out onto the floor and gave the last instructions to Angela.

"Can you make sure the boys pack the bones properly and that they don't race bugs all night?"

"Of course. Why, where are you going? Do you have a hot date or something?"

"Nah. Booth has Parker for the weekend and then insisted on dragging me ice skating with them."

"So you do have a hot date."

"Ange I will see you Monday."

"Do anything I would do."

"Yeah right. Good night Angela." She headed for the lobby. As she was about to walk through the door Booth entered, with Parker on his shoulders. While Booth was dressed in jeans and a hooded sweatshirt, Parker looked ready to trek Mount Everest.

"Well if it isn't my favorite forensic anthropologist."

"Do you know any others?"

"Nope."

"Hi Bones," said Parker in a cheery voice.

"See Booth, even your offspring copy you." She turned instantly sweet. "Hi Parker."

Booth noticed her shifting the heavy bag on her shoulder. "What's in the bag?"

"I have some work to do at home."

"What, you got a body in there? I thought you dealt with bones."

"Look at you, FBI agent by day, father by evening, comedian by night."

"Yeah, shall we get going, we have somewhere to go." They headed outside, a cold wind cut right through Brennan's jacket. They crossed the sandy parking lot and headed for Booth's SUV.

"Aren't you taking your car?" he asked buckling Parker up in back.

"Angela drove me this morning, I mean is it okay if I ride with you."

"Of course." They buckled their seatbelts and Booth pulled onto the highway. "We have some ways to go. An old friend in Maryland runs an ice rink and he is letting me borrow it for the night."

"Ah."

"Daddy, I'm hot," called Parker from the back. Booth looked to the back.

"Uh, shoot. Bones could you remove his jacket?"

"Sure." She undid her seatbelt and leaned in the back and removed the scarf, then the jacket, then and the sweatshirt.

"Thanks."

"Of course." She returned to the front. "Who put that many layers on him anyway? The poor kid will overheat."

"His mother. She felt that he needed to bundle up or he might catch a cold." He had a tone of mockery in his voice. "He looks like the brother from A Christmas Story."

"I don't know what that means."

"Of course not."

"You know, it isn't possible to catch a cold because it is cold out. The family of viruses responsible for the cold, rhinoviruses, is housed in the nose. Being in the cold—"

"Bones. No science in my car, please?"

"Fine." They drove in silence for a bit. "So how is the caveman case going?"

"I'm not starting work until the Carbon-14 testing comes back."

"Uh huh."

"You don't have a clue what that is."

"No idea. I like to work on cases that have occurred within the last, oh one hundred years. Thousands of years are no good. I can't help anyone, or arrest anyone."

"Of course not."

The rest of the ride was silent. Brennan stared at the passing scenery and Parker played with some dinosaurs in the back.

"We're here."

"Yay," shouted Parker from the back. Brennan got out and helped Parker out. Booth went into the back and pulled out a bag.

"Now Bones, I know you don't have any skates, so I brought an old pair from my brother. He was an eight, maybe they'll fit." They walked in. A man of about forty walked up to them.

"Mick my man what's up?" They shook hands.

"Nothing much. Listen I've got some work to do. I'll be upstairs in the office. Holler if there is a problem."

"No problemo." They went over to the benches beside the ice. Booth tied Parker's skates and then his own. Brennan put the other pair on.

"Hey they fit."

"Awesome. Need me to tie them?" She just looked at him. He threw up his hands. "I thought I'd ask, that's all. Meet you on the ice." Booth helped Parker onto the ice. Booth went backwards, holding onto Parker. Brennan finished tying the skates and stepped onto the ice. She hadn't skated in years. Hey it's like riding a bike, you don't forget right? It took a few laps but she got back to her old self. She could skate a lap fast. Within an hour Parker got a hang of skating and was able to hold his balance.

"Parker, I'm going to skate with Bones okay? Call if you need help."

"Okay daddy." Booth headed off to Brennan.

"Didn't know Bones could skate."

"I'm not that pathetic. Russ used to take me all the time."

"Ah. Hey, how about a race?"

Brennan smiled. "Okay. Starting at the goal line, once around."

"You're on." They lined up on the goal line. "Parker count to three!"

"Okay. One…two…THREE!" At the sound they both jumped and dug into the ice. Booth had the lead, as he was taller and had more power in his legs. On the first turn, however, Brennan crouched in low and got ahead of him by two steps.

"GO DADDY!" cheered Parker. Down the straightaway they were neck and neck.

"Bones, I'm going to get you!"

"Try!" They came into the final corner hard and fast. Booth went to crossover and got caught in a rut. He fell sideways, knocking into Bones. She hit the wall hard with her leg.

"Oh Sh—" shouted Booth as he crashed into the boards too.

"So stupid." Booth repeated for the hundredth time. He paced the hospital waiting room, an ice pack to his head. On the way down he smacked his head, nothing major. Brennan, on the other hand, was seriously injured; her leg was in an awkward position. This was not helped when Booth landed on top of her. Mick had called an ambulance, and Booth followed behind in his car. She was taken into a room before Booth had arrived and because he couldn't prove relation, they wouldn't let him in. In the meantime he placed two calls, one to Angela and the other to Rebecca. She arrived within half an hour and took Parker away. She promised to allow him to make up the time. Angela left her date and was on her way up.

"Booth, what happened?" she said entering the emergency room. He explained and that her leg was messed up. "Oh man. What about you? Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Bump on the noggin. This is my entire fault. I was the moron that tripped."

"Oh Booth, stop feeling bad." Just then a doctor came out holding a chart.

"Yes, are you Dr. Brennan's family?"

"Yes," replied Angela. "How is she?"

"First off, I'm Dr. Kyle Stanford. Second, come on, you can see her." He led then through the doors and down the hall. Three stalls later, they were back to Brennan.

"Guys you came!" she said seemingly elated. "Look." She held up an X-ray. "I dislocated my left leg, and look." She pointed to her ankle. "Comminuted fractures at the ankle. I get a cast!" Angela was laughing, but Booth felt bad. It was his fault.

"She's on some drugs right now for the pain. Now, she is going to have a cast on her lower leg, but the dislocated leg is going to hurt and has to heal for a while. She's going to be off her feet for a while." At that line Booth and Angela looked at each other.

"She's not going to like that," stated Booth.

"I know."

"Guys look." She had a sock on her hand and made its mouth move like a puppet. "My name is Agent Booth. I have a gun." Booth and Angela laughed.

"I like her on these pills. Got anymore doctor?" asked Angela.

"She hasn't looked this happy since you two got high."

"Haha that was funny," said Angela.

"Okay, now she is going to be off her feet for some time and she will be on some high-powered meds for a while. They may induce a euphoric state and she may act a little odd as she is now."

"My name is Doctor Stanford. I have a big nose." She broke out laughed. Both coughed to hide a laugh.

"Yes, thank you Dr. Brennan. Now we are going to out a cast on. What color would you like?"

"Oh oh, hot green."

"Are you sure about that?" asked Angela.

"Yeah, I like green."

They left the hospital in an hour. Brennan was on crutches, and Booth and Angela were on either side. Booth was going to drive to the pharmacy to pick up the prescription and Angela was going to take Brennan home. Angela helped Brennan into the house. She sat Brennan on the couch and pushed a table over and propped up o n a pillow. Her happiness quickly faded as the effects of the medication wore off.

"Ugh, green. Who picked green as a color?"

"You did sweetie."

"God, was I high?"

"Pretty much."

"God this hurts. Where the hell are those pills?"

"Calm down. Agent Booth was kind enough to offer to get them, though he should have been back already."

"Booth. This is his entire fault. If he didn't have Parker ask I would have been able to say no. But no, he had to be evil and use his son against me."

"Sweetie, don't blame Booth. He already is beating himself up because he feels responsible. This is just the pain talking. Now, it is two in the morning. Why don't you sleep?"

"I can't this hurts. I've got work to do anyway." She moved to get up but the pain was too much. Just then there was a knock at the door. Angela let Booth in.

"Sorry I'm late. It's hard to find a pharmacy open all night." He got a glass and filled it with tap water and handed the pills to Brennan. He then went to Angela.

"Get some rest. I'll stay with her."

"You sure?" Booth nodded. "Okay then. Bye sweetie," she called to Brennan. "Behave you two."

"Wait, Ange where are you going?"

"To get some sleep. Don't worry. Your favorite FBI agent will stay with you and help."

"No, that's okay." But it was too late. She was out the door. Brennan slumped on the couch, like a child that was at the losing end of a tantrum. Booth stood with his hands in his pockets, unsure of whether to intrude or not.

"Well, aren't you going to sit?" asked Brennan. She made room for him on the couch.

They were quiet for twenty minutes. Booth watched Sportscenter while Brennan had relaxed while waiting for the medicine to kick in.

"Boy am I sleepy," commented Brennan. She went to get up and immediately sat back down. "Oh yeah, the leg."

"Where do you want to go?"

"To bed, silly. I like my bed. It is big and comfortable and lonely." She looked at him.

"Well come on. I'll help you there." He stood up and went over to Brennan's side of the couch. Without applying pressure to the bad leg they were able to get Brennan standing. When Booth was off guard, Brennan, on one good foot, jumped up into Booth's arm.

"What the…Bones I might have dropped you. Doesn't this hurt?"

"Nah. Come on horsie!" Booth carried her into her bedroom. He went to place her on the bed when she wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him onto the bed. "Did I ever tell you how good you look?"

"Uh Bones, this is the medicine talking, at least I think."

"No, no, no, the medicine is just preventing the pain receptors from transmitting to the brain. It doesn't affect my thoughts."

"Trust me, it is somehow."

"Come here good looking." She tried to get off the bed. Booth shook his head and placed her back on the bed. He opened the covers and threw them over her.

"Don't get up."

"Or what, you going to punish me?" She moved to get out. Booth caved and got on the bed beside her.

"Temperance Brennan. You are acting like a seven-year-old brat. I have no clue if what you are saying is what you truly feel, but for the sake of our relationship, well as you say, partnership, I'm going to ignore you." He pulled the blankets up to her chin. "Good night." He headed out the door and turned off the light.

"Good night Booth," she called before Booth shut the door. He stood outside the room and leaned against the door, laughing. He waited for her to sleep. When he heard the soft snores, he snuck out of the house and headed to his apartment. He grabbed the essentials. He returned to Brennan's apartment and made sure she was still asleep. Satisfied, he laid down on the couch and went to sleep.

He was up at eight the next morning, feeling somewhat revived. He was, after all, an Army Ranger, and used to being sleep deprived. He grabbed some clothes and his razor and headed for the bathroom. After shaving he went into the shower.

"What the?" he muttered. He forgot shampoo and soap. All she had were things like cucumber melon and strawberry scented things. "Great, I'll smell like a friggin orchard." He bit the bullet and grabbed strawberries and cream shampoo and the cucumber melon soap. After a refreshing shower he stepped out and threw on shorts and a T-shirt and headed into the kitchen to start some breakfast. She had some bacon in the fridge and was in the process of frying it when he the door to her room open.

"Bones, you need any help?"

"No. I'll try myself. I can't always rely on your support." He finished frying the last of the bacon and washed his hands. He exited the kitchen and leaned against the doorframe. In two minutes Brennan had traveled not but a foot down the hall.

"Let me help you Bones." He stood on her left and placed her arm over his shoulder and helped her hop into the kitchen table. "Breakfast will be ready soon." He finished making some eggs and served two plates along with frosty glasses of chocolate milk.

"Booth this is good."

"It's just bacon and eggs."

"I haven't had a good breakfast in a while."

"Bones, you need to relax."

"I can't. All I can do is sit with this thing on." She gestured to the cast. "And with the pills I am reduced to a stoner."

"Got that right. Listen, after a few days you'll be able to go without the meds and you'll be able to return to work and be your normal self."

"Yeah." She pushed the half eaten plate from her and hobbled away to the couch. Booth shook his head and did the dishes. He brought a glass of water and a pill to Brennan and knelt beside her on the couch.

"I'm serious. You have a few days to relax. Okay, so you can't go fro a jog or play a sport or dance or anything. But there are plenty more things you can do and still enjoy." He offered up the pill. She took it.

"Booth, you smell like a strawberry."

"Yeah, you're telling me. I went to take a shower and you women only use those damn fruity soaps."

"Well you guys have you guy soaps."

"True. But still, you always smell like a million different fruits." He placed the glass on the table and sat beside her. "Now what?" Brennan shrugged.

"I need a shower." Booth looked over to Brennan. She was quiet for the better part of the last half hour. That was the first time she spoke, which startled Booth.

"Okay, we'll need to cover the cast. Where do you keep the garbage bags?"

"Under the sink in the kitchen." He got up and grabbed a bag and tied it around her leg.

"Come on." He helped her up and she was able to get down the hallway on crutches.

"Thanks." She shut the door.

"Holler if you need help." He headed back to the living room when his cell phone rang.

"Booth."

"Agent Stud muffin, how are you?" asked Angela

"Fine," he chuckled.

"Just making sure you two are still alive and haven't done anything bad."

"Nope. Drugs are making her quite the interesting person."

"Worse then at the hospital?"

"Worse."

"Well I called because the boys and I wanted to know if we can come up and visit Brennan."

"Uh, she's in the shower. Hold on." He went back to the bathroom and knocked on the door. "Bones!"

"What?"

"The Squints want to know if they can visit."

"I can't hear you, open the door." He opened the door. Through the mist he saw the shape of Bones silhouetted against the curtain. For a moment he was mesmerized at her form, his guy senses taking over. She poked her head around the curtain.

"Booth, what were you saying?"

He shook his head back to reality. "Uh, Angela's on the phone. The Squints want to come over."

"Oh, can I talk?"

"Yeah." He dodged the clothes on the floor and handed her the cell phone and turned around trying to be polite.

"Hey Ange…no they are working…yeah he's so sweet and he smells like a strawberry…standing right here…Angela!…nope…sure…oo bring some lunch…I shall…later gator." She flipped the phone shut. "Here you go Booth." He put a hand over his eyes and reached for the phone. "They're coming later."

"Okay." He walked out of the bathroom and heard the water shut off. Then a thud. "Bones are you okay?" He ran back to the door.

"Yeah, I almost fell. I uh think I may need some help."

"Uh…"

"I have a towel, god." Booth entered to see Bones wrapped in a white towel. "You would think that after all this time, you wouldn't be embarrassed about something like this."

He helped her out. "I'm respecting your privacy there Bones. That's all." He walked out of the bathroom and back to the living room, where Brennan followed after she dressed. She had left her hair down.

"Thanks again for the help Booth. Seems like I'm a spaz sometimes."

"It's okay. I know how hard it is to walk around with a broken leg." Once again they settles on the couch. Booth turned on the baseball game.

"Hey Booth." Brennan leaned forward and examined his leg. She touched a spot. "These marks look as though you had surgery. You have surgery?"

"Yes Bones."

"You fall?"

"No Bones. A bullet shattered the lower fibula."

"That's a big word for you."

"No, it's only six letters, and I learned from the Rugrats." He looked over to her. "How's the leg?"

"Hurts."

"You're strong. You'll get used to the pain. Soon you'll be able to get up without swaying like a tree in a hurricane."

"I like your analogies."

"Thanks." A knock at the door stopped the conversation.

"Yeah!" shouted Tempe.

"It's us," replied Angela.

"Open the door." Angela, Zack, and Hodgins walked through the door each wearing heavy winter clothing. Each carried a few bags from the local Burger King.

"Doctor Brennan," started Zack. "The Carbon-14 results are back. The skeletons date back to the Late Bronze age. The-"

"Oh be quiet," interrupted Hodgins. "She doesn't want to hear that crap. She's high."

"Am not," defended Brennan. Booth laughed.

"Sweetie, you picked out a green cast, 'hot green' as you call it. You don't wear green."

"So, bout time I start don't you think?"

"Yeah," said Booth.

Brennan pulled out a Sharpie. "Want to sign my cast?"

As they ate burgers and fries they talked about the skeletons and signed Brennan's cast. Booth was lost, not understanding the conversation. Eventually they left. It was late afternoon and the sun was beginning to set. Booth had cleaned up the place. He had just left the bathroom when he heard Brennan in the kitchen.

"Hey what are you doing up?"

"I'm in the mood for a beer. Want?"

"Sure." She handed him a beer. "Should you be drinking?"

"It's been over eight hours, the drugs have left my system. Besides they make me feel weird. I hate them."

"Oh yeah, you've been acting weird." Booth stayed at Brennan's side as she made her way back to the couch. He helped her prop up the leg on some pillows and threw a blanket over her. They took long sips from their beers.

"I didn't get a chance to see the cast. What did they write?"

"They're funny. I can't believe I let them write things." She lifted up the blanket. Booth went to the front of her leg. "'It was all a conspiracy. Age-old murderers can now run amuck with Brennan off her feet. Bug man'."

"That Hodgins, man, he's a firecracker."

"Yep. 'Doctor Brennan, you have comminuted fractures to the lower tibia. Can I have my degree now? Zack'."

"Haha."

"And Angela writes, 'you're so lucky, Angela'."

"Why are you lucky?"

"That's not important. What about you, will you sign my cast?"

"Of course," he said as he took the marker from her. "To my one and only forensic anthropologist, I hope your leg heals so you can help me kick criminal butt, your partner and friend, Booth."

"Thank you and thanks for everything you have done for me these last hours. But I'm going back to work on Monday."

"I knew you would."

"Yeah." They listening to the sleet pound the window. "Booth, what I said last night, I meant it." He looked over at her.

"Which part?"

"That's for me to know and you to find out." They shared a laugh and watched TV.


End file.
